No More Chemopause

UPDATES

Chemopause No More
To my surprise on Monday I finally got my Aunt Flo back. Chemo shut down my ovaries and my monthly visitor left my life back in March. It was a nice time away from this week of annoyance. When my ovaries slept and I went into chemo-pause, I had minimal acne, I didn't have strange cravings for food, I wasn't very moody, and I was never cold because hot flashes kept me nice and toasty.

Now, I am a real 27yr old woman again. Sucks... I kinda didn't want it to come back. My face is broken out. I am cold. I am grumpy and over emotional (trust me people can vouch for this one). I am tired. My body hurts. The kicker is that I woke up every morning this week craving something: Monday it was rice chex, Tuesday it was hot chocolate and Today it was a cheeseburger. What The??? Really its like someone didn't slowly turn on my estrogen reserves but let it flood the gates. I even had thoughts last night to have a hysterectomy. Life was much more peaceful without Flo.

The only plus side of this is that the pudge I started to build on my stomach (as I USED to have a visible abdomen pre-chemo pause) flushed itself away. Apparently my metabolism is back on, now that my ovaries are back ruining my life. I cannot wait until I am 50... or even 40 when I can sit back, relax, eat like a bird and not have to worry about stupid girl stuff.

Pap Smear BS
I also need to STILL see my OBGYN every 6months. Chemo and/or Tamoxifen is causing me to have abnormal paps. It's not cancerous. It's something call ASC-US. It is short for atypical cells of undetermined significance and indicates mild cellular cervical changes with an unknown cause. This could be caused by the yeast infection I had during my pap, chemo, or the fact that tamoxifen messes with our womanly organs. It's not cancer people. My doctor is just very worried. He found the breast lump, so now he wants me to get this thing called a Colposcopy . I am having my mom go with me, because I now get panic attacks at every damn doctors appointments. Apparently she has had one before and can be there for emotional support. She can also buy me some yummy ice cream too (hint hint). Apparently my doctor is doing this because I had cancer and is just being pre-cautious like always. If it were cancer it would be High Grade Dysplasia and I just have ASCUS. Now, I think it is a good idea for me to also see a Gynocological Oncologist to monitor me with Papsmears, these Colposcopy things (if my pap smears suck again), Transvaginal US to monitor my ovaries and Abdominal US to monitor my uterus every 6 months. DO NOT worry this is not cancer. I am just getting monitored people. Also, the US do not cause radiation, so its safe for this BC survivor.

My doctor really feels that my cancer was genetic and that most likely my aunt's ovarian cancer was too. Good doctor, just wish I could go a little while without having to see him or my oncology team. Ha...I think its too late for that. I already found a Gynecological Oncologist at Jersey Shore Hospital, so I am going to be a good patient and call to make an appointment in October once my REALLY GOOD new insurance starts up.

I am NOT Fat!
Another update is that I am trying to lose that 15lbs my doctor told me to lose back in August. My PS will not operate on me nor liposuction the flaps of skin/fat that accumulated around my reconstruction. Her solution was : "You are fat." I am not coping well with this. I am not fat. I know that, but really you cannot fix what you did? I was blabbing on about these flaps pre-exchange. She told me that it was from the Tissue Expanders, then post exchange it was swelling and two months later its because I am fat.

As you can see, I am gonna find a NEW plastic surgeon. I am gonna also call and make some second opinion consults with PS after I do the Colposcopy on Oct 7 and make the appointment with the Gynecological Oncologist. My friend gave me her PS name: Dr. Shoen. He did GREAT work on her. I wanna see if this guy can work miracles on me too. I am also going to get my aunt's PS name, he really did wonders on the reconstruction of her tummy post-ovarian cancer. I do not need some doctor telling this 5'7", 140lb girl that she is fat, granted I was around 125lb before last November, but that does not mean I am fat it means I went through hell this last year and my clothes are tighter. Get it right doctor.

Brighter Horizons

I haven't written on here in a while. I really needed a break from the world of cancer. A part of me was going to kinda let the blog go after I finished treatments, but then I remembered that there will be so many newly diagnosed young ladies each day. These women need hope that they will do great throughout treatment and that they too can do well years later.

It has been one month since I finished radiation and did my first Zometa treatment. First, Zometa was easy. No side-effects, no fatigue. If anyone is ER+/PR+, I would add this to my maintenance routine. It can't hurt and some new studies show it has such a benefit for us ladies. Second, I am finally feeling like myself again. I can finally workout for my normal 2 hours. I can finally run. I can finally lift heavy objects again. Granted my left hand swells a little, but for some reason if I workout the swelling goes down. I am gonna use exercise to beat lymphedema into the ground.

I also moved. I finally moved in with my boyfriend. A year ago, I can remember being at his house looking for apartments for myself with plans that he would probably move in a few months down the line. Cancer came, we put that off. A year later, I found a job near the shore and we are moving back to where my heart lies, which is ten minutes from the beach. Most of our stuff is moved in and we are slowly getting settled into co-habitating. Also I got a new job at my old company. My new job seems like it will be a good step for me in the right direction. Hopefully there will be more supervisory stuff down the line and more clinical work. I will definitely miss my clients and coworkers at my current job. I look forward to most of my days there and not many people can say that about their work.

I am also in the works of taking/planning on taking some pre-requisites for going back to school for my APN. Yes, I am crazy. This might take a long time, but I have my whole life ahead of me. This spring I will take Anatomy&Physiology and Microbiology. A very helpful friend at work found a school online for me... I can take these courses until I can apply at the local community college for their BSN/MSN program. I want to be able to do psychotherapy and medication monitoring. I really feel the therapist gets to see the patient as the whole. I would like to be able to do both, maybe I can make a better impact on people if I do that.