Monday, December 26, 2011

3 Down 2 to Go

Saw Dr. Shoen on 12/23. He wants me to go with a bilateral lat flap surgery. I would be out of work 3 weeks if there are 0 complications, 5 max. He said that it would make my breasts feel more natural, would have a better teardrop shape and less risk of more capsular contracture from the L implant due to the radiation, which might be an ongoing issue if I never get a tissue transplant there. He would use Alo-Derm Matrix and Mentor intermediate profile implants to help bring me to a full D. Besides that, he said the same things as Dr. Iorio, but he will not expand radiated skin & few doctors are comfortable working with that.

Dr. Disa is on Friday, just having to be at Sloan gives me a panic attack now. My BF and I are going to try to trek to Baby Cakes (vegan Bakery) afterwards b/c I need anything to cure the angst Sloan gave me. I am calling Iorio tomorrow to set up a tentative surgery date and also a f/u apt. date to discuss Re-expansion + implant versus lat with him.

So far:
1. SLOAN Dr. Pusic - Will not change or revise, she does not operate on radiated skin & won't do a lat on me due to my age.
2. Dr. Iorio - 1. Re-expansion and replacement of the pockets with use of Alo-Derm OR 2. Bilateral Lat Flap (he is okay with doing both and has had success with both) - Surgery will be in early Feb if #1 or March if #2 and I need to set the tenative date.
3. Dr. Shoen - Will be willing to do the bilateral lat, wants me to wait two more mo for my skin to heal from radiation & surgery will be in March.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Off to Doctor 2

Dr. Shoen... came highly recommended...

Fingers crossed that he or Iorio will help and get me into surgery.

I have decided that the last two doctors are just consults to review my choices and weigh more pros and cons. I definitely go with the trust I instill with my Brest Buddies. LOL

Thursday, December 22, 2011

12/22/11 IMPLANT RANT PART 3

I have gone to one of four consultations coming up.
1. 12.20 : Dr. Iorio in Colts Neck NJ (so far 2 women said wonderful things about him w post-rad reconstruction)

LARGE BREASTS AFTER RECONSTRUCTION ARE POSSIBLE...I left with HOPE & there is hope for others.

I had an appointment this last Tuesday and was told that there are 3 options in my case.

1. They reopen myself, lower the implants, create more space between them, swap for higher profile 475cc implants and get rid of the capsule around my implants. THAT WOULD BE ONE SURGERY with drains & 1 week recovery. CONS: This leaves me in the same place pretty much...

2. They reopen, and replace the expanders, but lower the placement, create more space, and slowly expand over 4 mo to get me to my ideal 600cc implants and will swap to 45(EXTRA high profile) 600cc implants. THIS would be 2 surgeries, with one week recovery from both. CONS: implant could fail and we would need to use a lat, but the doctor on Tuesday said he COULD DO it.

3. Lat flap on both implants, clear out the scar tissue, lower placement, and then immediately place 600cc implants. Would have 4 drains & 4-5weeks of recovery. CONS: scars & time off.

I am leaning more towards option 2 & I really like dr. Iorio, but I have to hear out my options. Its looking like I wil have surgery in the end of Jan or begining of Feb, which brings me just intime for the conference in New Orleans on Feb 23.




Left to go
2. 12.23: Dr. Shoen in Metuchen (recommended by another friend, did a wonderful lat flap on her)
3. 12.30: Dr. Disa at Sloan (apparently to see if he would do a Lat on my left side that has hardened like a rock)
4. 1.17: Dr. Grecco in Red Bank, whom completely reconstructed my aunt's abdomen after Sloan botched up her insicions post-ovarian cancer surgery.

12/14/11 IMPLANT RANT PART 2

I saw my original PS at Sloan relating to my unhappiness with my flat, smashed together, manly looking, non-boob implants. The apt went poorly to say the least. I went to go to NYC expecting the worst. Already on the verge of tears & feeling hopeless. Granted I probably shouldn't have gone to work after this apt either.

The worst did happen. She refused to operate on me and her only option was wait 6 mo and do little revisions under my armpits. I think the bigger issue is the lack of depth to my cleavage because the implants are too close together and a lack of projection.

I was told:
1. No breast reconstruction has projection.
2. I did lose the weight and she admitted she made a mistake with placement of the implants.
3. She can't do anything now that I had radiation
4. I just will have to deal with it.
5. I cant get a lat flap bc I am too young (HUH???)
6. I must have had Body Dysmorphic Disorder pre-cancer because I wouldn't have been that upset.
7. Massage the hard implant (which has only made my lymphedema act up)

I left there with another apt with a Dr. Disa at Sloan (which I doubt will do me any good) and a referral for a Psychiatrist. (Because being on medication will just numb me and make me forget that she f*cked up). The referral was for a Dr. in NYC I live in NJ and asked for referrals in NJ (just to satisfy this PS) and guess what? The numbers were all wrong and none of the doctors took my insurance, what wonderful case management.

My parents are on the verge of suing Sloan Kettering. They screwed me over with Chemo & with Plastic Surgery and dropped the ball 2x leaving me crying in the room and deferring me to a social worker. (Have a therapist, processed the cancer already HELLLOOO).

I left there upset to say the least.

I have four consultations coming up.
1. 12.20 : Dr. Iorio in Colts Neck NJ (so far 2 women said wonderful things about him w post-rad reconstruction)
2. 12.23: Dr. Disa at Sloan (apparently to see if he would do a Lat on my left side that has hardened like a rock)
3. 12.23: Dr. Shoen in Metuchen (recommended by another friend)
4. 1.17: Dr. Grecco in Red Bank, whom completely reconstructed my aunt's abdomen after Sloan botched up her insicions post-ovarian cancer surgery.

I am hoping to have a solid answer before Christmas. I want the possibility of new boobs for Christmas, or at least in the process of it pre-valentines day. I was so much happier last year with my TEs and bald. Who would have thought??

11/26/11 IMPLANT RANT PART I



I have probally complained about my exchange results enough to my local YSC ladies. I went into surgery under the impression that my implants would look and be as projected as my TEs. My implants came out flatter, narrower, and much smaller. I have a great cleavage, but no projection and 0 roundness at the bottom. Its literally square like a man's pecs. I also have two folds of fatty tissue between the implant and armpit. I am only 5'"7ish and 135lbs and NEVER had armpit fat folds except when I was 160lbs and in college.

I saw my surgeon last in August with these complaints and she blamed it on my body shape (I have a slightly concave ribcage), me being fat, and me not giving my exchange enough time (at the point I was at the 3mo mark). She also said no surgeon would even consider on revising me because of the radiation and she will see me in 3mo. I have struggled to lose the weight & I have lost whatever weight I could afford to lose at this point. I am so unhappy and hate looking in the mirror. I actually was pretty confident with myself when my TEs were around 530ccs and I was even heavier at 145lbs. Now, I feel like a man or that I have no boobs at all. When I think about how i look, I cry. I think that there is no hope for looking normal ever again & I went into this exchange getting fed BS that Id have larger boobs & a nice cleavage and the armpit fat would be gone. None of that (minus the cleavage) happened. There is also 0 fold under my breasts. They look horrible.

I am seeing this surgeon again on Dec 14th and i am seeing a different surgeon on Dec 20th. I really want these ugly foobs ripped off of me. I hate waiting around and feeling so depressed about myself. I dunno what to do in the meantime or if anyone here can relate & give me a story of hope. I have struggled with body image issues since I was a teenager & this is really taking me for a rollercoaster.

In Need of Many Updates

I have been soo busy with the move and the new job, that I forgot I had a blog. I guess life moved on beyond cancer. Job is great, life with boyfriend is amazing.


Medical Updates: OBGYN Oncologist had me do my biannual CA-125, pelvic ultrasound, vaginal ultrasound and cervical biposy all were NED. I go back in April for f/u and monitoring.

Lately I have been upset about my implants, I am sure you have heard a lot about this already, but here is an update I have posted on my support group board. I have not been happy with my breasts after the swap. I am the only survivor that LOVED my TEs...so that is a clue about the rant you might see (there will be a part 2 and 3).