11/26/11 IMPLANT RANT PART I

I have probally complained about my exchange results enough to my local YSC ladies. I went into surgery under the impression that my implants would look and be as projected as my TEs. My implants came out flatter, narrower, and much smaller. I have a great cleavage, but no projection and 0 roundness at the bottom. Its literally square like a man's pecs. I also have two folds of fatty tissue between the implant and armpit. I am only 5'"7ish and 135lbs and NEVER had armpit fat folds except when I was 160lbs and in college.

I saw my surgeon last in August with these complaints and she blamed it on my body shape (I have a slightly concave ribcage), me being fat, and me not giving my exchange enough time (at the point I was at the 3mo mark). She also said no surgeon would even consider on revising me because of the radiation and she will see me in 3mo. I have struggled to lose the weight & I have lost whatever weight I could afford to lose at this point. I am so unhappy and hate looking in the mirror. I actually was pretty confident with myself when my TEs were around 530ccs and I was even heavier at 145lbs. Now, I feel like a man or that I have no boobs at all. When I think about how i look, I cry. I think that there is no hope for looking normal ever again & I went into this exchange getting fed BS that Id have larger boobs & a nice cleavage and the armpit fat would be gone. None of that (minus the cleavage) happened. There is also 0 fold under my breasts. They look horrible.

I am seeing this surgeon again on Dec 14th and i am seeing a different surgeon on Dec 20th. I really want these ugly foobs ripped off of me. I hate waiting around and feeling so depressed about myself. I dunno what to do in the meantime or if anyone here can relate & give me a story of hope. I have struggled with body image issues since I was a teenager & this is really taking me for a rollercoaster.