Nightmare, absolute Nightmare

My IVF doctor called Sloan today to "negotiate" & Sloan has not gotten by blood work back from YESTERDAY, so I can confirm that I can start chemo. Sloan wants my estrogen levels down to 50 now, which my IVF doctor explained could take at least till Jan 6 & she usually stops when the levels are at 250 not 50 because it postpones chemo too much.

   I was on the phone with Sloan and my IVF doctor, who could not agree on philosophies about Femara and chemo. It was a nightmare. My IVF doctor is going to draw my blood again tomorrow & will get my results within hours to give to Sloan. At that point, I called the oncologist down at Virtua, whom I consulted with at the beginning of my diagnosis to get a second opinion. He too believes no issue with Femara and that after I get my blood drawn with my IVF doctor I can stop the Femara (as soon as possible) & my IVF doctor agreed with that prediction as well. I feel like Sloan has some agenda & philosophy that is only creating more harm than good. My oncologist in NJ is leaving an open door to have me start chemo with him on Monday if I change my mind & he can get all the paperwork from Sloan to start ASAP. 

   I haven't cried since the day I was diagnosed, because of how unknown everything was. I just felt like now, my chemo was so unknown and I couldn't stop crying or being just so angry. Its unfair that I had to go through this.

  I am going to sleep on my decision about chemo & get my blood work drawn at my IVF doctor's tomorrow. If Sloan continues to give me a hard time about this, I am going to drop their butts and go back to my original plan to stick with a doctor close to home. 

 These last two days were supposed to suck because of fatigue and nausea. They sucked because of unnecessary anger and tears and anxiety. 

 I decided to "treat" myself to a manicure & pedicure. Now, I am having a glass of wine. I think I deserve this! Tomorrow, I am going to get my blood work and take this treatment by the bull horns. All of this anger and anxiety will go down the drain with a nice 25-min run tomorrow and some good ol' Caitlin-style power lifting.