White Winter...

I have not posted in 1.5mos. I am getting bad at updating the blog again. I have been incredibly busy, which is a good thing. I have had more energy to do more, so less time is spent by my computer on my days off from work. Naturally the pace of my blogging has slowed down. This winter has been hard on everyone, and as we know winter can bring on cabin fever. People get crazy, restless, depressed, because all you get is snow and cold days.

I do have to say that I have had my fill of snow, but I have had a new found appreciation for the winter. I have shoveled 3 of the 4 major snowstorms we had because Kyle works in NYC. Some days I doubt the progress I have made and I remind myself that on those days I shoved 4-18inches of snow, proceeded to probably clean the house, cook, and workout. Not many people in my situation could say they can do those things. I appreciate the snow for reminding me that I am still strong, capable and getting back to normal each day.
 
The cold has reminded me to take it slow. The lack of estrogen has left my joints achy and swollen. Estrogen apparently plays a role in keeping our joints lubricated. The cold has made this worse. My knuckles are swollen and sometimes my feet swell and can only fit into old Uggs or a stretched out pair of Chucks. I complain about this, but it could be worse. It still is hard to get moving in the morning. I wish there was a cure for this, but the only solution is warmth and to move. So I move...

Moving is what has been keeping me sane and busy. If I stay still, the cabin fever sinks in and I get engulfed with the "what ifs" and I cannot let myself get eaten by those worries. Therefore, the amount I move is definitely pretty incredible for a person who has Stage 4 Cancer cells floating behind their chest wall and on their lung cavity. It is also pretty incredible for someone who has had 3 major surgeries, 16 rounds of chemo, 28 zaps of radiation, two doses of Hormone suppressive therapy & has been forced into chemical menopause. It is also incredible for a person, despite cancer, struggles with anxiety and depression on a day to day basis. Have I mentioned that I also have lymphedema, syncope, and titled patellas on my knees? I could give up, but I move.

This was taken on Jan 24... the day I learned my Tumor Markers dropped 60pts. It is not much, but it is much. I ran 3mi. I have not ran 3mi since June 2013. In July 2013, it became hard to climb stairs, but I climbed. In August 2013, it was hard to walk at a fast pace, but I walked. In September 2013, I went on the medication that started to kill the cancer spores. By October 2013, I was back at it full swing minus the running. I honestly never thought I would run again, but I proved myself wrong.

I wanted to end this post to remind people that when things get rough, they get rough. It is not like you will not doubt yourself, think the worst or worry about when things will get better. A small voice of hope is inside all of us. We have the choice to amplify that voice and apply that hope. I moved, because I hoped that things would get better. I wanted to be the example for other young women with cancer. I want you to realize that you are stronger than the cancer. What you think you will lose, what you start to doubt fight it!

I will continue to fight this. I might not post a lot, but lately my mantra is - "My lungs are fighting, because my heart is strong."

I see my doctor again on April 28. I get my Tumor Markers tested 1 week prior to hope that this treatment is still working. In the meantime, I will keep on moving and fight the doubts that creep in.