August was a Blur

When I last posted, I discussed how I was nervous that my tumor markers would creep up. On August 15, I learned my tumor markers jumped 100 points. My mind automatically was flooded with the worst thoughts - fear that the cancer had taken hold in my organs, it was actually forming a solid tumor, or that my medication was not working. I was seriously hoping to make this August BETTER than last August - good blood-work, no scans, less doctors visits. It did not work out that way, I did have a great August & spent plenty of time at the beach. On the other hand, my August began to be filled with doctors appointments and scans & fear. The Cancer PTSD reared its ugly head and my mind was in a fog and my body was on autopilot.

On August 18, my doctor said the words that every cancer patient does not want to hear "progression." Rising tumor markers can or cannot be progression of the cancer. The only way to rule that out is to have CT Scans of the Chest & Abdomen and a Bone Scan (and for some with Brain Metastasis or Cognitive Symptoms a Brain MRI). After my tri-monthly Zometa infusion, I was sent off to have the scans. I got to spend the next day to be poked and shipped around the Hospital Radiology Department crossing my fingers & toes for good scans. Then I waited. I went to work, I dealt with all my clients problems & in the back of my head I wondered what those scans said. I continued to project the worse... how could I not? I forced myself to ground myself and remind myself that I felt great and should be OK. I had to distract myself with my kitten, my friends, the gym, and work. It was all I could do until I saw my doctor on the 25th.

Here comes the 25th and I find out that my CT Scans were stable and had no changes since my most recent scans in May. No cancer was in ANY of my organs and a tiny bit of fluid continues to remain the in the pleural lining of my left lung. My bone scans were better than 1yr ago. Actually all the scans were better than 1yr ago, yet the markers were the same as they were before I started my current treatment. In this case a doctor is at a crossroads, so as a patient we stand there at the crossroad & there are two options for treatment at this point.
     1. Change to the next line of anti-hormonal/targeted therapy even though the scans were stable and base everything off the Tumor Markers.
              OR
     2. Stay on the current medication, wait  6 weeks, and restest the blood to see if the Tumor Markers drop, stay the same or rise.

My doctor chose to stay on the current medication (Femara Daily, Zometa IV every 3mo, and Lupron IM Shot every 3mo). Now I wait 6 weeks. Does this mean things are good. Not really it means I am in the grey area. It can mean any of these things starting from the best to the worst.

   1. The Markers rose due to some other inflammation going on in my body & it was a fluke, so the Femara was working and the markers drop when I eliminate whatever I was eating or doing causing me issues (which considering I am gluten-free and eat organic and do not eat sugar, it really does not leave much). Kyle and I think I was eating soy sauce infused Beef Jerky, so maybe that was it.

   2. Femara is working and this was the last growth spurt or flare from the tumor dying off and expelling its dead cells into my blood.

  3. Femara is not working, my markers continue to rise & in 6 weeks we have to change my medication. This means I will no longer be able to take Femara or Arimidex alone and I move onto real medication i.e. oral chemo.

We are not out of the woods. On Sept 30, I go to the lab for blood draw & on Oct 8, I find out what we are doing. I might feel great. I might look great. Inside I am worried. I plan on spending this month distracting myself with the gym, my kitten, my friends, and a good book. If the cancer is progressing, there is not much I can do but hope that my next medication gives me more than 1yr of effectiveness. If the cancer is not progressing, then I get to be tested and poked and prodded every 6 weeks until my markers start to drop again.

If people are wondering Femara has been no trip to the park. I am tired. I lost 10lbs in 1mo back in August 2013. I swell like a pregnant lady. I can't sleep without taking Melatonin. My joints feel like the Tin Man on most days. It hurts to type, to write with pen, and to use my fingers for any long period of time thanks to Arthritis at 30.

If I have to change medication, the symptoms I hear get worse. The worst of it is the chemotherapy called Affinitor, which is paired with Aromasin. Aromasin is another anti hormonal that has the same lovely side-effects that Femara has. Affinitor has typical chemotherapy side-effects - mouth sores, fatigue, impaired healing recovery, affects the liver & kidneys etc. The list goes on and on. It also came in a nifty bag like this one:

I really do not want to swallow something in a Hazard Bag. I really hope that this marker increase was a fluke. Flukes are rare in the world of stage four cancer. Maybe I can be rare, maybe I will be fine. I feel fine. Pray for me.