3 Down 2 to Go

Saw Dr. Shoen on 12/23. He wants me to go with a bilateral lat flap surgery. I would be out of work 3 weeks if there are 0 complications, 5 max. He said that it would make my breasts feel more natural, would have a better teardrop shape and less risk of more capsular contracture from the L implant due to the radiation, which might be an ongoing issue if I never get a tissue transplant there. He would use Alo-Derm Matrix and Mentor intermediate profile implants to help bring me to a full D. Besides that, he said the same things as Dr. Iorio, but he will not expand radiated skin & few doctors are comfortable working with that.

Dr. Disa is on Friday, just having to be at Sloan gives me a panic attack now. My BF and I are going to try to trek to Baby Cakes (vegan Bakery) afterwards b/c I need anything to cure the angst Sloan gave me. I am calling Iorio tomorrow to set up a tentative surgery date and also a f/u apt. date to discuss Re-expansion + implant versus lat with him.

So far:
1. SLOAN Dr. Pusic - Will not change or revise, she does not operate on radiated skin & won't do a lat on me due to my age.
2. Dr. Iorio - 1. Re-expansion and replacement of the pockets with use of Alo-Derm OR 2. Bilateral Lat Flap (he is okay with doing both and has had success with both) - Surgery will be in early Feb if #1 or March if #2 and I need to set the tenative date.
3. Dr. Shoen - Will be willing to do the bilateral lat, wants me to wait two more mo for my skin to heal from radiation & surgery will be in March.

Off to Doctor 2

Dr. Shoen... came highly recommended...

Fingers crossed that he or Iorio will help and get me into surgery.

I have decided that the last two doctors are just consults to review my choices and weigh more pros and cons. I definitely go with the trust I instill with my Brest Buddies. LOL

12/22/11 IMPLANT RANT PART 3

I have gone to one of four consultations coming up.
1. 12.20 : Dr. Iorio in Colts Neck NJ (so far 2 women said wonderful things about him w post-rad reconstruction)

LARGE BREASTS AFTER RECONSTRUCTION ARE POSSIBLE...I left with HOPE & there is hope for others.

I had an appointment this last Tuesday and was told that there are 3 options in my case.

1. They reopen myself, lower the implants, create more space between them, swap for higher profile 475cc implants and get rid of the capsule around my implants. THAT WOULD BE ONE SURGERY with drains & 1 week recovery. CONS: This leaves me in the same place pretty much...

2. They reopen, and replace the expanders, but lower the placement, create more space, and slowly expand over 4 mo to get me to my ideal 600cc implants and will swap to 45(EXTRA high profile) 600cc implants. THIS would be 2 surgeries, with one week recovery from both. CONS: implant could fail and we would need to use a lat, but the doctor on Tuesday said he COULD DO it.

3. Lat flap on both implants, clear out the scar tissue, lower placement, and then immediately place 600cc implants. Would have 4 drains & 4-5weeks of recovery. CONS: scars & time off.

I am leaning more towards option 2 & I really like dr. Iorio, but I have to hear out my options. Its looking like I wil have surgery in the end of Jan or begining of Feb, which brings me just intime for the conference in New Orleans on Feb 23.




Left to go
2. 12.23: Dr. Shoen in Metuchen (recommended by another friend, did a wonderful lat flap on her)
3. 12.30: Dr. Disa at Sloan (apparently to see if he would do a Lat on my left side that has hardened like a rock)
4. 1.17: Dr. Grecco in Red Bank, whom completely reconstructed my aunt's abdomen after Sloan botched up her insicions post-ovarian cancer surgery.

12/14/11 IMPLANT RANT PART 2

I saw my original PS at Sloan relating to my unhappiness with my flat, smashed together, manly looking, non-boob implants. The apt went poorly to say the least. I went to go to NYC expecting the worst. Already on the verge of tears & feeling hopeless. Granted I probably shouldn't have gone to work after this apt either.

The worst did happen. She refused to operate on me and her only option was wait 6 mo and do little revisions under my armpits. I think the bigger issue is the lack of depth to my cleavage because the implants are too close together and a lack of projection.

I was told:
1. No breast reconstruction has projection.
2. I did lose the weight and she admitted she made a mistake with placement of the implants.
3. She can't do anything now that I had radiation
4. I just will have to deal with it.
5. I cant get a lat flap bc I am too young (HUH???)
6. I must have had Body Dysmorphic Disorder pre-cancer because I wouldn't have been that upset.
7. Massage the hard implant (which has only made my lymphedema act up)

I left there with another apt with a Dr. Disa at Sloan (which I doubt will do me any good) and a referral for a Psychiatrist. (Because being on medication will just numb me and make me forget that she f*cked up). The referral was for a Dr. in NYC I live in NJ and asked for referrals in NJ (just to satisfy this PS) and guess what? The numbers were all wrong and none of the doctors took my insurance, what wonderful case management.

My parents are on the verge of suing Sloan Kettering. They screwed me over with Chemo & with Plastic Surgery and dropped the ball 2x leaving me crying in the room and deferring me to a social worker. (Have a therapist, processed the cancer already HELLLOOO).

I left there upset to say the least.

I have four consultations coming up.
1. 12.20 : Dr. Iorio in Colts Neck NJ (so far 2 women said wonderful things about him w post-rad reconstruction)
2. 12.23: Dr. Disa at Sloan (apparently to see if he would do a Lat on my left side that has hardened like a rock)
3. 12.23: Dr. Shoen in Metuchen (recommended by another friend)
4. 1.17: Dr. Grecco in Red Bank, whom completely reconstructed my aunt's abdomen after Sloan botched up her insicions post-ovarian cancer surgery.

I am hoping to have a solid answer before Christmas. I want the possibility of new boobs for Christmas, or at least in the process of it pre-valentines day. I was so much happier last year with my TEs and bald. Who would have thought??

11/26/11 IMPLANT RANT PART I

I have probally complained about my exchange results enough to my local YSC ladies. I went into surgery under the impression that my implants would look and be as projected as my TEs. My implants came out flatter, narrower, and much smaller. I have a great cleavage, but no projection and 0 roundness at the bottom. Its literally square like a man's pecs. I also have two folds of fatty tissue between the implant and armpit. I am only 5'"7ish and 135lbs and NEVER had armpit fat folds except when I was 160lbs and in college.

I saw my surgeon last in August with these complaints and she blamed it on my body shape (I have a slightly concave ribcage), me being fat, and me not giving my exchange enough time (at the point I was at the 3mo mark). She also said no surgeon would even consider on revising me because of the radiation and she will see me in 3mo. I have struggled to lose the weight & I have lost whatever weight I could afford to lose at this point. I am so unhappy and hate looking in the mirror. I actually was pretty confident with myself when my TEs were around 530ccs and I was even heavier at 145lbs. Now, I feel like a man or that I have no boobs at all. When I think about how i look, I cry. I think that there is no hope for looking normal ever again & I went into this exchange getting fed BS that Id have larger boobs & a nice cleavage and the armpit fat would be gone. None of that (minus the cleavage) happened. There is also 0 fold under my breasts. They look horrible.

I am seeing this surgeon again on Dec 14th and i am seeing a different surgeon on Dec 20th. I really want these ugly foobs ripped off of me. I hate waiting around and feeling so depressed about myself. I dunno what to do in the meantime or if anyone here can relate & give me a story of hope. I have struggled with body image issues since I was a teenager & this is really taking me for a rollercoaster.

In Need of Many Updates

I have been soo busy with the move and the new job, that I forgot I had a blog. I guess life moved on beyond cancer. Job is great, life with boyfriend is amazing.


Medical Updates: OBGYN Oncologist had me do my biannual CA-125, pelvic ultrasound, vaginal ultrasound and cervical biposy all were NED. I go back in April for f/u and monitoring.

Lately I have been upset about my implants, I am sure you have heard a lot about this already, but here is an update I have posted on my support group board. I have not been happy with my breasts after the swap. I am the only survivor that LOVED my TEs...so that is a clue about the rant you might see (there will be a part 2 and 3).

No More Chemopause

UPDATES

Chemopause No More
To my surprise on Monday I finally got my Aunt Flo back. Chemo shut down my ovaries and my monthly visitor left my life back in March. It was a nice time away from this week of annoyance. When my ovaries slept and I went into chemo-pause, I had minimal acne, I didn't have strange cravings for food, I wasn't very moody, and I was never cold because hot flashes kept me nice and toasty.

Now, I am a real 27yr old woman again. Sucks... I kinda didn't want it to come back. My face is broken out. I am cold. I am grumpy and over emotional (trust me people can vouch for this one). I am tired. My body hurts. The kicker is that I woke up every morning this week craving something: Monday it was rice chex, Tuesday it was hot chocolate and Today it was a cheeseburger. What The??? Really its like someone didn't slowly turn on my estrogen reserves but let it flood the gates. I even had thoughts last night to have a hysterectomy. Life was much more peaceful without Flo.

The only plus side of this is that the pudge I started to build on my stomach (as I USED to have a visible abdomen pre-chemo pause) flushed itself away. Apparently my metabolism is back on, now that my ovaries are back ruining my life. I cannot wait until I am 50... or even 40 when I can sit back, relax, eat like a bird and not have to worry about stupid girl stuff.

Pap Smear BS
I also need to STILL see my OBGYN every 6months. Chemo and/or Tamoxifen is causing me to have abnormal paps. It's not cancerous. It's something call ASC-US. It is short for atypical cells of undetermined significance and indicates mild cellular cervical changes with an unknown cause. This could be caused by the yeast infection I had during my pap, chemo, or the fact that tamoxifen messes with our womanly organs. It's not cancer people. My doctor is just very worried. He found the breast lump, so now he wants me to get this thing called a Colposcopy . I am having my mom go with me, because I now get panic attacks at every damn doctors appointments. Apparently she has had one before and can be there for emotional support. She can also buy me some yummy ice cream too (hint hint). Apparently my doctor is doing this because I had cancer and is just being pre-cautious like always. If it were cancer it would be High Grade Dysplasia and I just have ASCUS. Now, I think it is a good idea for me to also see a Gynocological Oncologist to monitor me with Papsmears, these Colposcopy things (if my pap smears suck again), Transvaginal US to monitor my ovaries and Abdominal US to monitor my uterus every 6 months. DO NOT worry this is not cancer. I am just getting monitored people. Also, the US do not cause radiation, so its safe for this BC survivor.

My doctor really feels that my cancer was genetic and that most likely my aunt's ovarian cancer was too. Good doctor, just wish I could go a little while without having to see him or my oncology team. Ha...I think its too late for that. I already found a Gynecological Oncologist at Jersey Shore Hospital, so I am going to be a good patient and call to make an appointment in October once my REALLY GOOD new insurance starts up.

I am NOT Fat!
Another update is that I am trying to lose that 15lbs my doctor told me to lose back in August. My PS will not operate on me nor liposuction the flaps of skin/fat that accumulated around my reconstruction. Her solution was : "You are fat." I am not coping well with this. I am not fat. I know that, but really you cannot fix what you did? I was blabbing on about these flaps pre-exchange. She told me that it was from the Tissue Expanders, then post exchange it was swelling and two months later its because I am fat.

As you can see, I am gonna find a NEW plastic surgeon. I am gonna also call and make some second opinion consults with PS after I do the Colposcopy on Oct 7 and make the appointment with the Gynecological Oncologist. My friend gave me her PS name: Dr. Shoen. He did GREAT work on her. I wanna see if this guy can work miracles on me too. I am also going to get my aunt's PS name, he really did wonders on the reconstruction of her tummy post-ovarian cancer. I do not need some doctor telling this 5'7", 140lb girl that she is fat, granted I was around 125lb before last November, but that does not mean I am fat it means I went through hell this last year and my clothes are tighter. Get it right doctor.

Brighter Horizons

I haven't written on here in a while. I really needed a break from the world of cancer. A part of me was going to kinda let the blog go after I finished treatments, but then I remembered that there will be so many newly diagnosed young ladies each day. These women need hope that they will do great throughout treatment and that they too can do well years later.

It has been one month since I finished radiation and did my first Zometa treatment. First, Zometa was easy. No side-effects, no fatigue. If anyone is ER+/PR+, I would add this to my maintenance routine. It can't hurt and some new studies show it has such a benefit for us ladies. Second, I am finally feeling like myself again. I can finally workout for my normal 2 hours. I can finally run. I can finally lift heavy objects again. Granted my left hand swells a little, but for some reason if I workout the swelling goes down. I am gonna use exercise to beat lymphedema into the ground.

I also moved. I finally moved in with my boyfriend. A year ago, I can remember being at his house looking for apartments for myself with plans that he would probably move in a few months down the line. Cancer came, we put that off. A year later, I found a job near the shore and we are moving back to where my heart lies, which is ten minutes from the beach. Most of our stuff is moved in and we are slowly getting settled into co-habitating. Also I got a new job at my old company. My new job seems like it will be a good step for me in the right direction. Hopefully there will be more supervisory stuff down the line and more clinical work. I will definitely miss my clients and coworkers at my current job. I look forward to most of my days there and not many people can say that about their work.

I am also in the works of taking/planning on taking some pre-requisites for going back to school for my APN. Yes, I am crazy. This might take a long time, but I have my whole life ahead of me. This spring I will take Anatomy&Physiology and Microbiology. A very helpful friend at work found a school online for me... I can take these courses until I can apply at the local community college for their BSN/MSN program. I want to be able to do psychotherapy and medication monitoring. I really feel the therapist gets to see the patient as the whole. I would like to be able to do both, maybe I can make a better impact on people if I do that.

What a Difference a Year Makes

One year ago from today, I had the lump in my left breast. I also was depressed. It wasn't because of the lump, I was depressed before that. I was going to therapy (yes, a therapist in therapy), because I was struggling with two beliefs. One was "I must be perfect." The second was "I must stay perfect and healthy or I will die from cancer like my grandparents." Irrational, but held in some grain of truth. I was sad. I was irritable. I was completely isolated within my own head most days. I haven't really told many people I went through that. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 18. I think last summer I was at my worst.

Now most people would have assumed that getting diagnosed with cancer would have made me more depressed and more anxious. It actually did the opposite. Cancer gave me strength. It helped me realize that I am not perfect, but that is ok and that I will still be successful with my imperfections. I also know I won't die from cancer. I am too strong to die from cancer and cancer will be the least of my worries. Depression was worse than Cancer for me. Cancer was a time where my true friends came to help. Cancer was a time where my strongest will came out and I kicked butt my whole way through this journey. I am one person of many who have this disease, but I went running, I lifted weights, and I kept positive.

365 days later and I woke up today feeling happier than ever. I am no longer depressed. I no longer have cancer. I am done with all active cancer treatments. Now, that is something to smile about.

I am truly ready to move onto my real life. I do have maintenance therapies to keep doing: 1. Daily Tamoxifen for 5 years, 2. My Holistic Vitamin Regimen, and 3. Every 6 month Zometa (Biophosphate) infusions for bone strength. I also will have my revision surgery for my reconstruction. These things are nothing compared to this road I have traveled. Things are only going to get better from here.

What NOT to Say

The girls on the YSC board posted this... I think its true and very helpful. 

Top Ten Things that Young Survivors (Probably) Don't Want to Hear

(And let me preface by saying that we understand that these statements are all uttered with great love and only the best intention.)

1) "You have a beautifully shaped head! In fact, you look GREAT bald!"

We know this is not true. We don't feel pretty. We don't want to stay bald. We want our hair back. And besides, when you hear, "You look great. I wouldn't even know you had cancer if you hadn't told me!" it makes us think that we must look pretty bad when we're healthy as well, because, truth be told, chemo is not flattering to just about anyone.

2) "Oh, you have breast cancer. My (aunt, grandmother, mother, sister, friend) died from breast cancer. But I'm so glad to see you're doing well."

I don't know how to say this politely, so I'll just say it: some of the people you say that to WILL die of breast cancer, even though they look great and are doing well. Your mother/aunt/grandmother etc may have also seemed to be doing well at one point. The reality is that cancer stalks you like that horrible ex-boyfriend that won't leave you alone. It's always hovering over your shoulder, and you never know if it's gone for good. We want to hear the stories of long term survivors. I LOVE hearing, "My mom had breast cancer 27 years ago and she's great."

3) "Well, you're young, so at least you caught it early."

Folks, this is THE single biggest misconception out there, and it drives me nuts because I have to have the awkward conversation with people that in fact, my cancer was already quite far along and very aggressive. When you are under 40 and you've been diagnosed with breast cancer, it's usually because the lump was large enough to be felt since you're not yet having mammograms. When a lump is large enough to be felt, it's usually pretty big. My lump was 4 centimeters. Not small. Cancer in young patients, pre-menopausal, is usually more aggressive than in older patients. Finally, your chances of getting a second cancer when you've been diagnosed young is much greater. So unfortunately, when you're talking to someone young who's been diagnosed, it's less likely that they caught it early, so just tread carefully.

4) (after treatment is complete) "So, you're cured now, right?"

Currently, there is no cure for cancer. I'll know I'm cured when I die of something else.

5) "Well, if you have to get cancer, breast cancer is the one to get."

Again, I totally get that this is said with good intentions, but it's like saying, "Well, if you had to lose a family member, a second cousin is the one to lose." It all sucks. It's all bad. We do not sit down and thank god or whomever that we "only" got breast cancer. At least I don't.

6) "Cancer is a gift. You really learn to appreciate what's important."

If cancer is a gift, can I return it please? A gift card would have been better.

7) "Isn't it great that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month? Think of all the awareness and money that's raised."

Perhaps if Target wasn't hawking pink rice cookers where a nickel goes to Komen (ok, I made that up, but it's possible), I wouldn't quite feel so nauseated at the site of all this cause marketing. Of course it's great that more money is going to fight the disease, but I do worry that companies are making LOTS of money off this disease and that makes me a bit pissed off. When companies make NO profit off of the cause marketing, I'll feel a bit better.

8) "You'll get back to where you were before cancer."

This is a hard one, and this may be unique to me - I don't want to claim that this is universal. I know that people only mean well here, but the reality is that my body, is completely different than it was before cancer and before all the drastic treatment. I don't know that I'll get back to where I was, and frankly, I'd rather spend my energy making peace with where I am rather than spending all my time trying to get back to my pre-cancer self. Rather than push me to get back there, accept me as I am and help me love my new scarred, crazy body.

9) "Cool! Free boob job. Lucky!"

Groan.

10) "I can relate. When I was pregnant, I (insert comment about body changes, bad sleep, nausea, hair changes)...."

I know that cancer seems to have a lot in common with pregnancy with all the nausea, hair changing, hormones, etc., and it's particularly tempting to make the comparison because that's what most of my peers are doing now - having babies, not getting cancer, but there's a pretty damn big difference. And again, I know you're just trying to connect, but it's a painful comparison (particularly since some of us, as a result of the disease and treatment, will not likely be able to have children). And because 10's not quite enough, one more..

11) "You know what you should do? You should do (insert Do yoga, Drink green tea, Take evening primrose, See an accupunturist, etc. here)".

I heard these all so much that I used to joke with my brother that if I died from this stupid disease, I wanted the words, "Guess she should have done yoga" on my tombstone.

So now that you've got my Top Ten of things NOT to say, you're probably sitting there stewing, "well, what the hell does she want me to say then?"

Here you go. Some of these are the things that people actually said to me during treatment that made my heart sing and reminded me that I was never alone.

1) (upon hearing my diagnosis) "Well, what are WE going do to about this?"

2) "You are not alone. We're here with you."

3) "That sucks."

4) "You will kick this." (as noted below, this one is a mixed bag. Sometimes it's good to hear when you're freaking out, and other times, it feels false and when you're not so sure, it can be received with mixed emotions.)

5) "You ARE strong." (when spoken as a reminder when you're in doubt, not as praise for doing simply what you need to do to stay alive.)

6) "Hair grows back and boobs are overrated." (from an email from a male friend when I was having a particularly bad day.

7) "Can I come to chemo with you?"

8) "I don't know what you're going through, but I know it sucks."

9) "I'll be over to watch movies, sit with you, cook you bland pasta, and laugh with you when you singe your wig opening the oven."

10) Anything. It's better to say anything, even if it's one of those top ten above than to say nothing and pretend like this crap is not happening.

Homestretch!!!

Only four more radiation sessions to go & then I am done with active treatment! I have conquered the fatigue. It appears that upping my iron stores and eliminating gluten has increased my energy. On the downside, radiation started to burn my armpit. It hurts to lift my left arm now, but I keep telling myself this is nothing compared to the mastectomy. It is also nothing compared to getting your legs waxed...OUCH.

It's going to be nice to be finished. I am going to start to work on my bucket list. I am thinking my first one will be one of my fitness goals.... That leaves me with figure competition, triathlon, or half marathon. I am leaning towards the figure competition. I have really gotten into weight lifting since I cannot be in the sun running or biking this summer.

No news on the medical front... that is such a good thing to note.

9 more!!!

9 more radiation sessions!!! YAY

I am thinking about changing the name of my blog from "Caitlin wears Pink" to "Mindful Ambition." I want to steer the focus away from me having Cancer to me being Mindful about taking care of myself and being Ambitious about putting the word out there about healthy living to others.

In other news, my oncologist and I decided to add Zometa infusions every 6months to my "toolbox". I will start the first after radiation. Zometa is a drug they use to treat osteoporosis. New studies are showing that Zometa might help prevent bone metastasis in ER+ cancers, which is the highest risk of where ER+ cancer can return.  Zometa has minimal side-effects and will take 15 minutes every 6months. I will do this for the next 5 years. Once, I complete my first Zometa treatment this month, I will definitely say I will be done with active treatment. :-)

More Naturopath News

I saw my Naturopath yesterday & went over the bloodwork. Turns out on top of having cancer I am anemic (i.e. iron deficient), which apparently is not due to the chemo or radiation, and I am gluten-allergic, which means I can't eat any oats, grains, breads, cereals or pastas with gluten. I get to go for more bloodwork on Monday to also rule-out food sensitivities, which could be triggering my allergies & hives. I am just a hot mess.

Treating anemia is easy...take a good Iron with B-12 supplement. Also, I need to reintroduce more egg yolks, beans, and red meat into my life. I haven't eaten much of those foods, minus beans, in the last 10yrs...That could explain why my iron counts were 6 when they should be over 30.

Gluten-Allergic, which is not celiac disease, means my body does not digest gluten like normal people. I retain water, I get hives, I gain 10lbs of water weight, I get gas (ew), and my stomach bloats. I have had these problems for years. Now, I have an answer. Eliminating gluten from my diet is a process. I just bought my FIRST gluten free bread, pasta, and oats today....o yea and Beer. If I like these brands, I am gonna start buying it in bulk online, because its EXPENSIVE. I just have to look at it this way. Before I had cancer, I had stomach aches all the time and saw doctors, who did nothing and just told me to use Colace or Pepcid. I just ended up flushing wasted money down the toilet and no issue was solved.

Anyways, just adding more crap to the top of my list, but I am going to feel more energetic because of all of these changes. :-)

Growth

Just thought I would share this... I am 10 weeks out from chemo & I have a cute little pixie cut.

Hair!!

9 radiation sessions in, 19 to go.

I have hair! I just got my eyebrows waxed for the first time since November. Having eyebrows does look strange. I got so used to the Voldemort look, that I was sporting the Grouch-O-Max look for a few weeks. The waxing lady even asked me if I ever waxed before. I guess I held onto every last growing hair.

In other news, I also have a head of hair, give me two weeks and I will post my cute do.

Things are looking up & treatment is almost done. Thank God.

Naturopathic Medicine

I meant to have an update about 10 days ago, but life has been pretty busy. One of my best friends got married last weekend and I returned to full-time work this past week. I also returned to the gym after a 4 month hiatus. I was utterly exhausted everyday, but it feels nice to be back to some sense of normalcy. I missed the "accomplished" feeling that came from working 8-5. I also missed the soreness that came from exercising HARD, but I surely feel that soreness today.

In other news, I saw a naturopathic doctor about 1.5 weeks ago to address my breast cancer from a holistic angle. I truly believe that most cancer, although some is "genetic," is "turned on" by some environmental factors. I saw a holistic doctor, just to get my supplementation and nutrition under wraps. I appreciated her feedback as she educated me a lot on certain subjects.

1. For instance, taking all the allergy and asthma medicines I was taking could suppress my immune system, which could affect my ability to fight off future cancers. She is helping me wean off the medicines for exercise-induced asthma and I am taking some herbal supplements to build up my lung strength. I am also getting re-tested for food & environmental allergies to see if I even need the antihistamine anymore. She suspects that my histamine response, could also have been an early symptom of my cancer. (Hmmm interesting) I go for the blood-work test July 9 - so I am interested to find out & am excited to maybe take one less medicine.

2. She is testing my Vitamin D, Iodine and Folate levels - as low levels of all three can set you up for cancer.

3. Diet recommendations-

• No SUGAR or artificial sweeteners. This is a hard one. I am a recovering diet soda addict. I have tried on many occasions to stop. I relapsed on Wednesday on one diet sprite. I am back on the wagon and hope you all will support me in my journey to no diet soda. She did okay anything sweetened with Cane Sugar, Stevia, and Agave Syrup. I use Stevia and Agave Syrup in Oatmeal sometimes, so this is not much of a change. It opened me up to be able to drink Jones Soda (cane sugar) and Vitamin Water 0 (Stevia) as a substitute. I also started making Iced Tea at home and tried out a new recipe, thanks to an HS friend. 
• No hydrogenated fats/oils. This shit is in everything. I have been avoiding it since 2003 and have been trying my best to avoid it even more. It's so gross how they make this stuff, it's chemically altered healthy fats (made with a double carbon bond). I swear they made this stuff to get us addicted to junk food. Things that say NO-Trans fats, sometimes have it in there. It's usually in fast foods, cookies, crackers, breads, desserts...ew.
• Eat more Veggies! (well that's not hard for me) Tell me to eat more veggies and you find me hunting down some broccoli eating a whole broccoli patch. 
• Eat organic dairy, eggs, chicken and beef - Already on that path. I will only not eat cage-free chicken if they do not have that option out at a restaurant - I will lean towards fish if I go out to eat these days anyway. 
• Avoid Caffeine - FAIL, Okay let me have one vice people. I am down to two cups of coffee a day. I consider that a success. I was up to two cups before work, + 2 diet pepsis, and + 24 oz of wawa coffee not too long ago. I cleaned up that act about a year ago. 
• Avoid excessive Alcohol use - Already barely drink. This should be pretty easy. 
• High Fiber Foods (already on that) & not processed Fiber One crap

4. Supplement Recommendations 

• 1 tsp of Cod Liver Oil daily with Food - Has Omega 3 fatty acids and Vitamin D3. All good to fight off cancer. It actually doesn't taste bad...has a lemon flavor and is better than the pill forms. 
• Multivitamin - I take Rainbow Light - its vegetarian and has no soy byproducts
• Vitamin D3 - Will be based off of my blood-work
• Iodine Foods - Will be based off my blood-work
• Allergy Supplement - I take this 2x daily
• CERV-HP 7 for gynecological health
• Essiac Tea and Green Tea up to 4x daily

All in all, I think I can slowly make changes to follow this. I started the supplementation routine and stopped sugar about 1.5 weeks ago & I already feel cleansed and less groggy. 

I start Radiation on Tuesday, July 5! Yay last step.

Radiation

I finalized what I will be doing for my radiation plan. I will be having 28 sessions. During each session they will radiate my clavicle and chest wall. This will be done M-F for about 5 minutes a day. One of the girls from the YSC boards came up with an excellent skin care routine for radiation. I plan on following that because radiation can cause skin damage and burning. She recommended the following plan:

RADIATION SKIN CARE

1.  Aloe + Aloe Lotion - AM/After shower
2.  Vitamin E lotion (2x daily)
3. Calendula Lotion -  right after radiation. 
4. Aquaphor or prescription lotion - After home from radiation
5. Aloe + Aloe Lotion - bedtime

That will be the "end" of active treatment for me. I started Tamoxifen about two weeks ago. I have been getting hot flashes as warned by my doctor as a side-effect from taking the new medicine. Other than that, no other noticeable side-effects. I am a little moody at times, but I really think that is due to having to go through this whole crappy experience. Otherwise I am pretty even keeled and optimistic about things.  

I plan on calling my doctor and asking him about Zometa. A few of the girls on the boards are taking this as a preventive measure for bone metastasis, which I never want to even be a possibility, and osteopenenia, which could be a side-effect from chemo. I also want to get a bone density scan, my mom has osteoporosis and I just want to make sure that chemo has not taken a toll on my bones. 

I think that is all for breast cancer news. Things are going good, my reconstruction is settling into place. I will most likely have another surgery to "revise" the reconstruction around December/January of this coming year. My surgeon says its a simple outpatient procedure & I won't need much time off of work. That is good news. I am glad I am getting to the end of this nightmare of a year. 

Mullet

I think my hair grew more in the back overnight again. I have a fluffier mullet. My hair isn't growing back dark brown, its kinda lighter. Then again, I have been dying my hair off and on since I was 15, so who knows what lurked underneath. On the bright side, the top is really starting to grow in. I think I will have enough hair in four more weeks to go without the wig. Thank god. I mean there was a time back in March where I looked a lot like this (just a little happier LOL) :

I woke up today and saw some sprouts up top. I was getting a little scared that I'd look like this in a few weeks.

I could post pics of my beautiful head, but I think Britney's will do the trick. I really do not want bald pictures of me circulating the internet. Sorry lurkers, its just not going to happen. If you are really that desperate to take a peek at my personal freak show, I walk around bald in my house. It has been way too hot to wear the wig and a scarf indoors.

I have been wearing scarves out most days. I can't bear the heat in addition to my 11a, 4p, 7p, and 10p hot flashes (thanks chemo & tamoxifen). Here I come bouncing along, scarf in tow, mullet peaking from underneath, and beads of sweat pooling on my forehead in air conditioned stores. Boy, does that turn a lot of heads. The only people who don't stare at me are the elderly, they actually come up and talk to me. Middle aged women turn their heads and look scared --- yep creeper this could happen to you too, but stop staring before your eyes burn out of the sockets. I swear its like they think I am a walking sign of death to some people, please get a life and get EDUCATED about what cancer really is before you stare at me. I wish I had enough balls to poke them in the foreheads with my fingers - "Cancer is contagious so stop staring."

I found some cute scarfs at Kohls. I think I might buy them online & wear them to work come June 27. I think the wig might have to go into retirement if we are going to have 90 degree + temperatures out here.

Role Model

   As we all know, I am kinda obsessed with fitness and nutrition. I have been an admirer of Jamie Eason, a fitness model, for 6+ years. I have strived over the years to get a physique like hers, but I loved junk food just way too much.
   Unbeknownst to me, Jamie had breast cancer in her early 20s. I learned this about 3 weeks ago. It makes me love her even more, she is a 5+yr survivor and has transformed her body in the process. Her story has given me more hope than I can put into words. I absolutely adore her and in her interviews she seems so down to earth and nice, she has definitely had a hard road to travel. Now, if only I can channel her strength to be everything I can be. :-)

Exchange Surgery

I had my exchange surgery one week ago. I expected a lot more pain, but the pain is bearable. I still have some soreness at my scar-lines and at the revision lines. I am tired, but I know when to rest. The weird thing about this surgery is that I was cleared to drive on Monday. I didn't get drains, just antibiotics and a compression bra. I have been going on slow walks & I really think the walking and staying active has helped with my healing and prevention of a seroma this time around.

When I woke up from surgery, I honestly was pretty disappointed. The implants just looked small and square. Not what I expected FOOBs to be at all. Apparently the implants have to settle in their pockets to get the full effect and swelling needs to go down. Also implants are shaped much different from real boobs. They are wider and rounder, which means it may seem small but the overall "liquid" volume of implants is actually much larger than they appear. Hence, I tried on an old 34 C bra of mine & the cups were too small. The band was too big. I am now a little more excited to find out what I actually fit in and to go for a real bra fitting in 5 weeks.

Now, I have to wear a zip-front sports bra type thing. I got two from under-amour. I went with these before ordering "surgical bras", because I figured they could be re-used again when I can run again in 6 weeks. They seemed to have no preference on the type of sports bra that I got, as long as it wasn't too tight and that I was comfortable and felt supported. I ended up with a size L, I was so surprised that medium squished me! I used to be a size S, so this was a big ego boost too. I will be getting a stage 2 compression bra next Monday at my follow-up appointment. Apparently this is another type of ugly zip front bra that provides compression. I am also going to get a script for surgical bras, because my insurance covers 3-4 bras every 6 months. I might as well take advantage of this too. :-) All in all the surgery was great & I really won't know what the final product looks like for around 2 months. The implants have to settle & I am okay with that. They keep looking better everyday and my clothes fit wonderfully. I finally don't "disappear" in a size S top.

I also started Tamoxifen yesterday. Tamoxifen is an anti-estrogen therapy. I will need to be on Tamoxifen for 5 years. My oncologist said that he wasn't going to even consider removing my ovaries, which some BC girls do, because it puts me at worse risk for cardiac issues and osteoporosis if he does remove them. Also he is not going to use Lupron, to shut down my ovaries, because no studies have been published to show that Lupron + Tamoxifen is anymore effective than Tamoxifen alone. So here is to daily Tamoxifen for 5 years & more hot flashes post Chemo-pause. Tamoxifen will be the most helpful treatment for me...I was 95% Estrogen positive & Tamoxifen is the #1 treatment for that. Wish me luck!

Now onto the next step: Radiation. I have my planning session on Friday, so I will definitely post an update about that soon. I will most likely start Rads on June 20 or the 27th. The end of this journey will be here exactly before I am 27. Perfect Timing!!

Anti-Cancer Summary 2

I wrote about "Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life," by Dr. David Servan-Schrieber a few months ago. I have always been into nutrition & eating healthy. I found this book to be amazing as the author is a two time Brain Cancer survivor, whom changed his lifestyle habits at his second diagnosis. Someone on my support group boards today posted a list that summarized the foods us Cancer-People should eat. I just wanted to put it on my blog, so you can also be informed.

Green Tea, 3 cups a day : it reduces the growth of new blood vessels needed for tumor growth and metastases.
Olives & Olive Oil: contains phenolic antioxidants & Omega 3 fatty acids. Other great sources of Omega 3 - Salmon/Tilapia, Fish Oil, Flax Seeds, Flax Seed Oil & Chia Seeds
Turmeric:  Helps stimulate apoptosis (death) in cancer cells and inhibit angiogenesis (growth of vessels). 1/4 - 1/2 tsp of turmeric a day mixed with 1/8 tsp of pepper and a table spoon of olive oil. This combo helps your body absorb the benefits of turmeric.
Ginger: protects against certain cancers, it acts against cancer cells. Also helps w/nausea caused by chemo
Cruciform veggies (broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, bok choy, etc): contains I3Cs-dindole-3-carbinols which are powerful anticancer molecules.
Garlic, onions, leeks, shallots : they promote apoptosis in colon, breast & lung cancers and prostate. Regulates blood sugars, this in turn reduces insulin secretion an dIGF and thus the growth of cancer cells.
Veggies & fruit rich in carotenoids (carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, pumpkins, apricots, beets, etc.) - contain vitamin A and lycopene which have the proven capacity to inhibit cell growths of several cancers, stimulate immune cells which then attack tumors
Tomatoes & Tomato sauce: must be cooked, has a whole series of anticancer nutrients, and mix w/olive oil to help your body assimilate the lycopenes.
Mushrooms ( shiitake, maitake, cremini, portobello, oyster....) : contain polysaccharides and lentinian which stimulate the immune cells. Often used in Japan as a complement to chemotherapy to support the immune system.
Rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil and mint: very rich in essential oils of the terpene family and promote apoptosis in cancer cells and reduce their spread by blocking the enzymes needed to invade neighboring tissues. Rosemary is also an anti-inflammatory. Its capacity to enhance the effectiveness of certain chemotherapies.
Parsley and celery: contain apigenin, an anti-inflammatory that promotes apoptosis and blocks angiogenesis.
Seaweed: several varieties of seaweed commonly eaten in Asia contain molecules that slow cancer growth, especially that of breast, prostate, skin and colon cancer. 
Berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries and cranberries) : contain elegiac acid and a large number of polyphenols. They stimulate the mechanisms of elimination of carcinogenic substances and inhibit angiogenesis, also promote apoptosis. 
Plums, peaches & nectarines - 'stone fruit' contain as many anticancer agents as berries and are cheaper. A study at University of Texas observed that plum extracts had powerful effects against the growth of breast cancer.
Citrus fruits (oranges, tangerines, limes, lemons & grapefruit) :contain anti-inflammatory flavonoids. Stimulate the detoxification of carcinogens in the liver. Flavonoids in the skin of tangerines penetrate brain cancer cells and facilitate their death by apoptosis. 
Pomegranate Juice & Pomegranates - it has been used in Persian medicine for years. Anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties have been confirmed and has the capacity to substantially reduce the development of prostate cancer (among others) even in it's most aggressive forms). In humans daily consumption of pomegranate juice slows the spread of an established prostate cancer by 67%.
Red Wine & GRAPES:  contains polyphenols including the celebrated resveratrol. These polyphenols are extracted by fermentation. Reservatrol acts on genes that are known to protect healthy cells against aging. Only 1 glass per day, drank with food. Grapes are a better substitution IMO. More than one glass of wine daily, which I like to say weekly, should be avoided. Since drinking too much wine daily may lead to an increase of cancer & addiction.
Dark chocolate- Must be 70% or more. Contains a number of antioxidants, proanthocyandidins and may polyphenols. These molecules slow the growth of cancer and limit angiogenesis. Consume 20 grams a day. Do not eat milk chocolate, mixing dairy w/chocolate cancels the beneficial effects of the molecules of cocoa.
Vitamin D3- reduces the risk of several cancers. Studies published recently have shown positive effects of vitamin D3 on breast cancer, non-small lung cancer, colon cancer and prostate cancer. Our bodies cannot metabolize more than 3,000mcg of Vitamin D3 a day. I stick with 1,000mcg in the AM & another 1,000mcg in the PM. We should be trying to get most of our Vitamin D from REAL food & going outdoors. 
Exercise - Aim for 3 hours a week. I usually get in 6-8hrs a week, but he just recommends walking 30min a day.

Delayed Update

I have been trying to log onto this blogspot server for a WEEK to give updates, but the stupid google server was down. This is the first time my ever trusty Google let me down.

I finished Chemo on May 16. My last Taxol was very taxing. I never felt any nausea from the weekly Taxol until the 12th infusion. I ended up going home early from work on Tuesday and crashed in bed for 3 hours. I didn't even have energy to go running last week & I barely do most days this week. Good things are that Chemo did its job & I will never have to feel this fatigued again unless I get the flu.

Good News: I am growing hair. I am like a chia pet, but so far its all party in the back & business up front. Yes, I am growing a mullet. No, I will not post a picture of it on the internet. Its ugly, but I gave up my scarves in my house & I have been walking around with my Chia-Pet Mullet rocking out to some white-trash 80s rock.

Bad News: I have lost a total of 7 toenails. They have all grown back, but I can't wear flip flops until at least the two purple/brown toes grow out. I know gross. I could always just paint those two & start a new trend. That's something to think about. I also have had my thumbnails lift off the beds & according to TRUSTY Google & Wiki its a fungus. EW, I know gross. I have been soaking my thumbs in Hydrogen Peroxide. I apparently have to do this for 5days & then apply Tea Tree Oil. Isn't Chemo wonderful? Its truly a gift that keeps on Giving. In the meantime, I am paining my crusty fingernails & keeping them clean.

I saw my oncology-surgeon for my 6month follow-up this past Tuesday. All looks good & I will see her in a year. For breast cancer patients whom have had a mastectomy they do not do regular scans. They do signs of symptoms and then scans. They try not to do scans, because the radiation is more harmful & the scans won't detect small signs of cancer only signs where symptoms would be present. I will get MRIs every 3years, but nothing like a PET/CT scan unless I feel like I have any symptoms. My oncologist plans on doing blood work for tumor markers, but for breast cancer the tumor markers are very vague and not accurate. I really just have to stay aware of my body for symptoms & take very good care of myself to prevent Mets.

Today is my last day of work for a month. I have my exchange surgery next week. I have been walking around with rock-hard tissue expanders long enough & I am sick of my clothes not fitting right. I cannot wait for FOOBs. This is a good surgery. Tomorrow, I go to NYC to get my pre-surgical blood drawn to get my counts tested. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I start Tamoxifen on June 7th. Tamoxifen is the Selective Estrogen Reuptake Modulator that will "scoop" up any extra estrogen in my body. Tamoxifen and Surgery are the MOST effective treatments for my type of breast cancer for premenopausal women. My cancer was hormone receptive positive (95% estrogen & 10% progesterone). I will be on Tamoxifen for 5 years. I am actually looking forward to starting that, because then all I have left is to do radiation, which is supposedly easy & is just an "extra" insurance policy. I do not know much about radiation at this point, but I will on June 10th when I have my planning session with my radiation oncologist.

I have been feeling pretty down on myself, because I am finally fatigued and have had energy to either lift weights or sit on my butt. I haven't had much energy to run, but I am hoping that since I gave my legs some rest, I will be out running this weekend just in time to get myself pumped for surgery. Also, although I have been tired and lazy due to last-chemo fatigued. I do have to say that I am pretty impressed with myself. I started chemo on January 3, 2011 and ended on May 16, 2011. In that time, I exercised 97 times. In those 97 times, 49 of them included running 20min-70min. (BTW before anyone thinks I am crazy, I record my workouts to note progress & to plan my gym/workout time) I know, amazing.

Tissue Expanders

Yesterday, I had my pre-surgical appointment up at Sloan. I almost hit another bump in the road as they wanted to move my surgery another week due to "surgery being too close to the end of my chemo." I understood their rationale, but my counts have been excellent and my oncologist even said my risk of infection 1 week will be minimal and 2 weeks will be 0 after chemo. Now, Sloan wants me in NYC on the 27th for bloodwork just to make sure my counts are okay. Now, I am starting to stuff my body with healthy things until the 27th just to make as many little white blood cells I possibly can!

I also had my tissue expanders over expanded & they look riddiculus. I look like one of those Fem-Bots from Austin Powers. Now, I cannot wait for these annoyances to be removed. They are planning on having 475-500cc implants placed on the 31st and I am expanded to 520cc...looks very horrible because tissue expanders have no shape and are hard like rock. I am really looking forward to having a softer look soon.

4 more days until my last chemo ever!!! I am celebrating with some chinese take-out. What an exciting life I lead! I will be having some party later on this summer but with surgery in June, a bachelorette, 3 weddings,  family gatherings, and bridal showers, My Party will just have to wait until I am at least started with radiation.

As of now radiation will start on the 27th of June. I am not sure what to expect from this its supposedly short and takes an hour to get zapped and ready for each appointment. This is very exciting...(insert sarcasm). I will be half tan on top & I get to use a cream, Aquaphor, that apparently ruins all clothes except things that are colored black. I think I am just going to worry about this after I heal from surgery. This sounds like a plan.

Finishing Line

After today only 1 more Taxol :-). Three more weeks until surgery. Seven more weeks until I start radiation and then the I will start to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I cannot believe that this has all flown by so fast. It is just unbelievable how much my life has changed.

I finally decided to change some of my blog. As you all know, I have stayed active throughout this whole treatment process. I added some new Weight Circuit routines in my fitness page for those whom are interested.

I also added some things about Hair Regrowth in Treatment Tips. I have started to do topical treatments for my scalp. I cannot wait until I can start adding more vitamins to my routine for hair growth. Grow Hair Grow!

• A good Multi Vitamin with: Vitamin K 100IUs daily; Vitamin E 400IUs; Vitamin A 25,000 IUs; Vitamin C 100% daily value ; and Zinc 100% daily value
• Biotin : Word of Caution, Biotin in excess causes cell multiplication. It caused Acne in me in the past. Most Multi-Vitamins have a small bit of Biotin in it & I wouldn't over supplement the product IMO. I would also ask your oncologist about the supplement before you start it.
• L-Glutamine: It comes in powder or pill form. It is found in most protein powders. In the past, I found that Syntrax Nectar protein powders helped with hair health & also helped with exercise recovery. It is also found in all natural forms of protein, so eat up on your Beans, Poultry & Fish!
• Omega 3-Fatty Acids: Before chemotherapy I would take 1,200 mg Omega 3 daily. I would not start taking this until after Chemo & Surgery as it does thin your blood. 
• Vitamin D3: 1,000IUs daily are recommended for hair health. I take this with my daily Calcium Supplement in the AM & also take an extra 1,000IUs of D3 at night. 
• Hair Products I Used: Jason Organics Thin to Thick Revitalizing Scalp Elixir (daily before bed); Therma Scalp Natural Scalp Repair Spray (daily after my AM shower); Giovanni Wellness System Shampoo (daily on my scalp during each shower); Avalon Organics Biotin B-Complex Thickening Shampoo & Conditioner (daily before I lost my hair & plan on returning when it grows back)

2 More Taxol

2 More Taxol....

Taxol has caused me to lose 1.5 pretty toe nails. Taxol has caused me to have pain in my nail beds. Taxol has caused me to gain 10lbs. I don't heal as fast as I used to & I bruise easily. That is about it.
      :-) Toe nails grow back. Weight can be lost...thats why I joined Weight Watchers with my mom & its why I was given the ability to run my heart out. Bandaids cover cuts.

Taxol has allowed my hair to grow back. Taxol has taken away my arm and leg hair (BONUS!!).

Taxol has given me the energy to get back to running. I can now run 5.5miles again. I was only up to 6 before surgery, due to my prior knee injury a year ago. This is not too shabby.

I am getting antsy to be done with treatment. I am glad this leg of chemo was easier, but it definitely was a long haul. 10 down 2 to go!!! I honestly cannot wait to be done with my final surgery and move onto the next stage of things. This last year has been hard, it has sucked & I am ready for the next year to be better.

Almost May

I woke up this AM and thought " I cannot believe all of this has happened to me." I am still in awe and shock. I wonder when that feeling will go away.


Good news only 3 more chemos left! That is something to look forward to.

A year ago, the things I worried about are just so insignificant compared to where I am now. I still feel like this is unbelievable. I guess that is the mood I am in today. Just in shock & a little excited to be almost done.

Nothing to Say

I haven't posted in a long time. Nothing new has really been happening. I have 4 Taxol treatments left after this coming Monday. I am really ready to finish chemo. Since I have returned to work, I have avoided getting sick. My white blood cell counts are pretty low & if I get sick then my whole treatment schedule is going to get thrown off. I am really ready to be done & I want to be done on time!

My toenails and hand-nails are tender to the touch, but I have somehow fixed the prior issue with my toenails. I felt like I went at them with a hack saw, but they look better than most professional pedicures I have gotten in the past.

Like I said, nothing exciting is really going on. I am excited for my exchange surgery coming up on May 31. I am also excited to get through radiation and have some hair growing back on my head.

Toenails...

Sometimes I wonder if my OCD just bites me in my ass. Ever since starting chemo I have been a stickler for caring for my nails. I was told to keep them short. Keep them painted dark. Use tea tree oil on the beds 2x daily. Keep them dry after the shower. Not go get pedicures. To use acetone free-nail polish remover. Despite sticking to this routine since Jan 1, I am slowly watching two of my little toes lose their nails. 

I am frustrated and grossed out. The toe hurts, but doesn't show signs of infection. It is just irritated. I think I only made my risk of "black toe" worse, because I have been running 3 days a week. I have lost a toenail once from running but that was after an 10mi run. I have no way, no how ran 10mil during treatments. I googled what to do & it says to keep antibacterial on it (I am using Tea tree oil!!) and leave the nail alone. Apparently they are just going to dry up & fall off. EW! 

I am just very disgusted. I am glad its not sandal season yet, but I really hope that these two little toes stop looking like frankenstien's babies and grow out or something. I am going to have my oncologist look at them on Monday. I am sure he is gonna just say "watch and wait." He does that with every stupid side-effect that happens. You know, he is usually right. I just want normal toes back. :-(

Now, I am bumping my nail care up a notch. Time for extra hand care & time to put some Bandaids on these little toes when I run. In the meantime, I am gonna google more things to do to save my feet. 

Run...

The one thing I have kept up throughout my entire chemo trip is running. I actually have increased my distance through treatment. Since I was not cleared to run until 6 weeks post-mastectomy.  I had to start from ground 0 back on December 26th

I am quite proud of myself that within 3 months I have gone from 20 minutes of run/walking (aprox 2 miles) to 60 minutes of run/walking (aprox 5 miles). I do run at a 5:2 ratio at a 1% incline on my treadmill. I do not run continuously due to side-effects from chemo & also due to an old knee injury. I also stay inside just in case I do not make the entire run, I am at least safe at home. I have not had to finish any of my planned runs early & I am stronger and faster than I was a year ago. Last year, I had a knee injury and couldn't run at all. This year I am a chemo kid who runs & runs.

I think considering my life situation this is pretty damn good. It makes me wonder how fast and how strong I will be when chemo is over. I wonder if I have built incredible stamina running during chemo. Maybe a half-marathon or marathon is in my future....

Finally Side Effects

I think I spoke too soon when I said Taxol was "easy." I left work today with a pounding headache, fatigue, nausea, and stomach aches. I think Taxol's side-effects might be cumulative. :-( 

I planned on running today because usually I am "okay" by Tuesday. Today I feel not so "okay." I did make it through the work day, but I actually need to rest for the first time since starting weekly Taxol. I feel disappointed in myself somehow that I didn't surpass the side-effects. I guess it is better to rest today and feel better by tomorrow. 

Super Steroids

I am down 4 of 12 weekly Taxol infusions and with every infusion I also get a steroid as a premed. Today the steroid turned me into some super hero. I ate an entire 10 inch quesadilla, when chemo usually makes me sleep and low appetite. Then I go home, iron an outfit for every day of work this week (4 outfits total!), hop on my bike for 30 minutes, and 30 minutes of weight lifting. Apparently I became some super chemo hero. LOL

Taxol has been very easy on me. I am tired the day after and then I feel normal most days. I get body aches, but thats really all I have to complain about. Otherwise it really feels like I am not doing chemo. My hair is growing back in & I started documenting it on my camera. When I get brave, I will put a picture of my bald head on here. There will be four visible hairs if you look close enough. :-)

Anti-Cancer Review

After I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I became very involved in posting on the YSC forum. YSC is a national organization for young breast cancer survivors. On the boards there was discussion about changing of lifestyle after our diagnosis. One of the books that was recommended for this lifestyle change was "Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life" by David Servan Schreiber.

I know you are probably thinking, how I could eat any healthier than I already do. Which poses another question, then why bother reading a book about being healthier when you are already healthy. The issue remains that you can never be healthy enough. I am not talking about being thin or athletic, I am speaking on more of the level of being more aware of the quality of what you put in your body and the quality of life you choose to live.

What I got from this book was really that us cancer people must treat our body as a temple. We must increase our consumption of foods that encourage healthy cell re-growth and decrease & eventually eliminate most processed foods from our diet. We should also care for our mental state and to recognize when we need emotional support or need to seek therapy about unresolved issues. Finally comes the exercise piece, it is important for us to get exercise most days of the week.

I do not want to give away what is in this book, as I feel it is a great read. You must actually read the book to truly understand this author's message. The author is a two time survivor of malignant brain tumors and has been cancer free for 14yrs. He changed his lifestyle, which this book is modeled by, when his tumor returned 14yrs ago. He truly believes, as do I, that we must care for our "terrain" because cancer feeds on a weak terrain.

After completing this book and getting completely sold by Servan-Schreiber's beliefs, I also made some mild changes in my life & some I have been doing pre-diagnosis.
           1. Drink 2-3 cups of green tea daily
           2. Only eat organic cheeses, meats, poultry, and eggs
           3. Get at least 60min of exercise 3x week
           4. Express and not repress concerns and issues
           5. Try to find the positive in every situation
           6. Increase my daily consumption of Omega 3 fatty acids with Chia Seeds in my Oatmeal and Flax Seeds in my Nut Butters
           7. Become more aware of the toxins on non-organic fruits/veggies and be a smarter consumer
           8. Minimize Alcohol consumption to 1 glass of red wine infrequently & only with meals

The book has much more to give, but I feel that these changes not only give us better insurance for a longer life, but they also give us more energy to have the most optimal life we could possibly live.

Thinking...

I am thinking on doing MORE with this blog of mine. I really want to expand on this educational piece for cancer friends. 

I also would like to get a review done for "Anti-Cancer" by David Servan-Schrieber. I think this will get done tonight. 

Taxol #1

One Taxol down, eleven to go. I woke up incredibly surprised today. Usually the day after chemo is coupled by nausea, inability to smell or taste food, and a longing desire to go back to bed for 4 more hours. I have a strong feeling this "round" of chemo will be much different.

Taxol did make me drowsy during the infusion due to the Benadryl pre-medications, I slept for an hour in my chemo chair, but after that I really was not all too tired. I have body aches, but it seriously just feels like I worked out too hard yesterday. As an athlete I know all muscle soreness is cured by some more low-impact exercise & maybe two Aleve. I am actually hungry, which never happened during the EC. My nail beds hurt, but that started during the last round of EC.

Taxol...I think you are going to be the easiest trip here for me. I am not to scared to go back to work now, because I think I can function at least 3x week at optimal function. The next 11 weeks might be an easier road for me. I also feel like I can actually increase my running intervals from 5:2 to 6:2. This is good, real good.

The next hard part will be the exchange surgery on May 31 followed by my Radiation preparation (tattooing & molds) on June 9th. I have a strong feeling radiation will fly by as fast as Taxol will & all of this will be over with come July 27...exactly one year from the moment the lump appeared and one week before my 27th birthday. Please let age 27 be much better than the roller coasters that 25 & 26 were.

Radiation to Come

I met with a Radiation Oncologist today for a consult. I will be having radiation due to these risk factors:
   1. Being a young Breast Cancer patient
   2. Having 3 positive lymph nodes

I learned the type of radiation I would be having done & also where and why. I assumed that I'd have it done in my axilla due to the node removal, but since my surgeon removed such a small area and the cancer cells in the 1 lymph node in the axilla was minimal, I won't need radiation or boosts in my armpit. This is good news, because it won't put me at risk for lymphedema & that my cancer barely spread beyond the breast.

I learned that I will need 28 daily sessions 5 days a week of radiation to my clavicle and chest wall. I will be having it done to the chest wall post-reconstruction surgery. The radiation oncologist prefers to work after reconstruction & has a history of working with reconstructed breasts. (yay!) She said that the risk of Capsular Contracture (hardening of the implant) is low (1 in 1,000 patients) with the type of radiation I will be doing. The reason I will be having the radiation to the chest wall is that microscopic breast tissue cells could linger post-mastectomy & radiation will "kill" them. Also, I will be having radiation done to my clavicle, because those lymph nodes are the highest risk of reoccurrence & cannot be treated surgically due to being intertwined with neuro-skeletal arm muscles and tissues.

So, starting in June (around June 20th) I will be going to radiation daily for 5.5 weeks. This brings me to finishing my breast cancer treatment to approximately one year after I found the original lump. I cannot wait to put this behind me & have my 27th year be a much better one.

All in all, I was satisfied by this appointment. I plan to go to Virtua, but I was going to get a second opinion from Sloan & I am still waiting for Sloan to call me back with their recommendations for radiation. So far, no call & it has been a week. I feel like they are really slacking on their follow-through.

More Taxol Changes

As of yesterday I went back to my original plan with my Taxol treatments. I did more thinking & I realized that condensing my treatments against my doctor's original recommendations was rash. I really just wanted treatment to be over with and to have my exchange. I need to take things with stride and realize why 12 weeks of Taxol is actually the best option for me. I feel like such a spaz switching my treatment so much, but this is such a hard decision for me. I like to take control on my life, but I also need to trust in other professionals too. 

Here are the reasons why I switched from Biweekly Dose Dense to Weekly Dose Dense Taxol: 

  1. Less side-effects i.e. allergic reaction, bone pain and fatigue

  2. No need to take 5 days of oral steroids after infusion

  3. No need to take the Neulasta (aka causes bone pain also) shot after treatment

  4. Works on the cancer cells more frequently as not only a chemotherapy but as a Targeted Therapy

  5. Infusion is shorter

  6. I won't get bone pain, which won't inhibit me from running or functioning at work

  7. I won't gain weight from excessive Steroids.

The only downside is that they do give me a lot of Benadryl and Ativan to help cope with the Taxol infusion & I cannot drive home from my appointments. This requires me to recruit people from NJ who can help me. If anyone can drive me, please email me. I will let you know if the slot is taken. Kyle is checking to see if he can take any days off in March or April. So far these are the slots taken:

2/28/11 - Kerry
3/7/11 - Juanita
3/14/11 - Juanita

3/21/11 -
3/28/11 -
4/4/11 - Candace
4/11/11 -

4/18/11 - Cindy

4/25/11-Tony C

5/2/11 - Juanita
5/9/11 - Juanita 

5/16/11 - Juanita 

Thanks everyone! Now it is time to reschedule my surgery & re-notify work of more changes. 

Chemo Brain

What is Chemo Brain?  For us Cancer people, we know what it feels like. At 26, it just sucks. For the past three weeks I have been forgetting things and having memory lapses. I stopped reading, when I usually read 1 book a week. I have trouble concentrating on the words, then I find myself spacing out & staring at a wall. I can't multitask, if I do I forget one of the two things I am doing. It takes me twice as long to finish things, my thinking is slow and I can't process things the same. I feel like I am going crazy. You ever see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? I feel like Jim Carey in that movie, except I remember people. I just forget what the heck I am supposed to be doing. I have learned to cope by not reading. I watch movies, TV shows, and exercise. I have taken it with stride that I have the attention of a dried pea.

O well, at least I am not working now. Problem is I am returning to work in a month. My job requires me to write, read and focus on what people are saying. I am a therapist. I can't even focus on directions to microwave a hot pocket right now nor do I remember where my To-Do list is or that I even have one. That adjustment will be interesting. I will be more brain dead, I guess that is okay. Maybe my notes can all read, "Client is good. The End."

I also have class tomorrow. This is my last make-up class for my next license. I usually can't focus in these classes. Tomorrow will be interesting. I must bring myself lots of things to mindlessly entertain myself with..colorful notebook, crayons. You know the stuff a doodler can dream of. All I really need to do is show up & get the certificate and leave. I think that will be easy. I might even learn how to sleep with my eyes open. Now, that is something I have gotten good at focusing in on...sleep.